Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
