so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
