i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
