The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
