just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
