Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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