it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
