Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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