We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
