she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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