just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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