And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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