So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize