Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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