Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
