You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
