just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
