You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
