we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
