I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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