Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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