Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
