So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
