I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
