god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
