there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
