I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize