this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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