wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
