the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
