Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
