We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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