she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
