The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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