I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
