you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
did i walk over a car last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
