For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
