Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
