I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
