Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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