Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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