Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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