No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
