I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
