im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found puke in my bra..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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