idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
