and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
