I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
