she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize