I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hippo gnu deer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize