A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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