You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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