Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
