A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
