Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
