My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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