I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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