My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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