...so i touched it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
