i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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