I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize