I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
