There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Text me some of your sweat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
