white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
