May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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