i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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