Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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