Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
