Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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