i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
