im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
