I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
