I bet he comes in French.
i think i have two assholes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
