Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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