Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize